Want To Start Journaling?

Want To Start Journaling?

Here Are Practical Tips to Set You on Your Way

Journaling has many health benefits. It offers you an opportunity to express your thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Among other benefits, journaling helps to improve your memory and to heal you, both physically and psychologically. 

Journaling can take many forms. One day you could make entries in a diary format. The next day you might draw or scribble. Then you could make a list of things for which you are thankful. All these activities are forms of journaling. The idea is to work through your emotions and record your feelings and insights. In the process, you reap physical and emotional benefits.

While there’s no right or wrong way to keep a journal, starting may be intimidating. Below are some pointers on how to start, what to expect, and how to keep journaling.  

Create a writing routine

You could make it first thing in the morning or last thing in the evening. This will help you stay on track and incorporate journaling into your daily schedule. Ease yourself into journaling by keeping it simple at the beginning. Use your own style and do what feels right for you. 

Write about anything 

You could write about what inspires you, what bothers you, or what you enjoy. Use your journal as an outlet for releasing your emotions. You will find it easier to handle your fears, frustrations, joys, sadness, and
other emotions when you write them down.

Don’t be limited to writing, especially if you don’t enjoy writing. Draw, compose a song, or write a letter. It’s your space. Use it in your way. You might find online journaling prompts useful.

Have realistic expectations

In the beginning, don’t expect to unravel great insights into your emotions. This comes with time. Additionally, don’t expect journaling to solve all your problems. However, as you progressively get into the habit, you will learn more about yourself and how to handle your emotions. 

Be judgment-free

Don’t censor yourself, don’t judge yourself or withhold self-compassion. Be free in your writing, and remember you’re writing for your eyes only. Be honest and authentic about your feelings. Express yourself creatively.

Maintaining the habit

Starting a journal is the easy part; maintaining the habit is harder. It takes self-discipline. If need be, look for help and coaching online to help you stick with the practice. 

Below are some pointers to help you maintain the habit.

Start a gratitude list   

Start a list of things for which you are grateful. Add to the list every day. It could be anything – you got out of bed today; you had a pleasant walk in the park. You can then expound on the list, giving details that help you to appreciate the positive things in your life. This should motivate you to write daily as you examine your feelings.

Write on a diary or calendar 

Make your journal entries on a large desk calendar or a diary with large spaces. Write a sentence or a list every day. If you miss a day, it will be blank and this should motivate you to write daily.

Make a template

To nudge yourself to write, you could create a template that you use every day. Perhaps you could ask yourself a question like, “What did I do well today?” or “What made me happy today?” or “What can I do better tomorrow?” In time, you will get into the habit of writing with these questions at the back of your mind. 

Final thoughts

Journaling helps to keep you in contact with your thoughts. It can improve your writing, and help you to keep a rein on your emotions. To reap the rewards, you need to be consistent and make entries daily. This means taking your journal with you everywhere you go.

5 Toxic Personalities That You Should Avoid

5 Toxic Personalities That You Should Avoid

Toxic people are hard to steer clear of. Sometimes they are hard to spot because of how subtle and calculated their form of manipulation is. They make you feel drained, insecure, and anxious, amongst so many other negative emotions, and then they benefit from those emotions to either feel better about themselves or to make sure that you have something to blame yourself for. Whether they seek to make your life miserable on purpose or whether they are not even aware of the impact they can have on others, they still deserve to be called out on their behavior. In return, you deserve to have people in your life that you enjoy being around. So here are five types of toxic personalities that you should be on the lookout for and try your best to avoid:

Negative personalities

It goes without saying that people with a negative mindset are bound to bring only negativity into your life. But a more specific definition of a negative personality refers to the kind of person who adopts a pessimistic view on life and who finds a flaw in almost, if not every, aspect of your relationship with them. They could be a family member who always lets you know the ways in which you could apply yourself better instead of congratulating you on your accomplishments, or a romantic partner who seems to regularly find a reason to start a fight with you. Whichever category this type falls in, they are not the kind of people you want in your life. Negative feedback can work in certain situations, but people are generally found to be performing best when they are given positive reinforcement or when they are being praised instead of scolded. If you are dealing or have dealt at any point with someone who had a negative personality, it is important to remember that they are also making themselves miserable by demanding perfection, because they live in constant disappointment. What you can do to escape their negativity is to surround yourself with people who do see your flaws, but who care about your qualities more.

Positive personalities

On the other side of the spectrum is a positive personality, and perhaps this type is not as obviously toxic as the previous one. It does not sound unfortunate, because everyone needs a person that nudges them towards seeing the good side of things. But sometimes too much positivity can be just as damaging as too much negativity. The problem with believing in the power of positive thinking is that it is just not realistic. We are only human, so our failures or bad experiences do not define us, but they should be acknowledged nonetheless for the sake of personal growth. Someone who encourages you to always look on the bright side or reminds you that other people have it worse is just invalidating your difficulties and trying to take away the guilt or sadness that you are allowed to feel. It is not healthy to see the world in black and white, in negativity or positivity. What could work instead is trying to remind yourself that balance is what everyone should try to strive for.

Victim complex personalities

A person with a victim mentality is someone who refuses to take full responsibility for their actions, and perpetually finds someone else to blame for their own issues or mistakes. The dangers of having someone like this in your life stem from the way in which they are able to make you feel sorry for them. Perhaps they blame their behavior on childhood issues. Perhaps they blame their mishaps on you because they feel you caused them to act a certain way. Regardless, a person who is always quick to point fingers at others instead of owning up to their mistakes is also someone who self-sabotages their own life, and will therefore sabotage their relationship with you as well at one point or another.

Arrogant personalities

There is a big difference between someone who is confident and someone who is arrogant. A confident individual feels good in their own skin, while the arrogant type gives themselves more importance than it is due.  They tend to act superior towards others and to talk down to them, and the biggest problem is that they can come across as intimidating. They seem to be in a constant, sometimes imaginary competition with someone else, and they have a strong desire to dominate others in conversations. You might feel insecure around them or you might even dread having a chat with them because of the way in which they seem to make themselves the center of attention while making you an afterthought.

Gaslighting personalities

The term “gaslighting” represents a form of manipulation in which an individual makes another question their own memory or feelings by downplaying certain situations and planting seeds of doubt in their mind. This is the most dangerous type of toxicity, especially because of the insidious way in which it presents itself. Most people who have been gaslighted in relationships have not realized it until later on. The person doing the gaslighting will often tell you that you are too sensitive, or that you take things to heart when you shouldn’t, or even that you don’t remember things correctly and that they never actually wanted to hurt you. But the truth is, no one should get to decide when you have the right to feel upset. People on the receiving end of gaslighting tend to be quick to question themselves, when instead they should recognize that once somebody wrongs you, it is their responsibility to earn your forgiveness and trust, not yours to hand it to them for free. Whether it is intentional or not, this form of manipulation should not be overlooked once it is spotted.

While dealing with someone who has a toxic personality, people don’t realize when something that should be easy becomes hard. Indeed, relationships are difficult to maintain, even healthy ones, but at the end of the day, the good that they bring into your life should outweigh the bad. If you find yourself in a position where being around a loved one brings out feelings of guilt, insecurity, or exhaustion, then it is time to question their presence in your life and to start focusing on your own self-worth.

Feel Good in Your Body Right Now

Feel Good in Your Body Right Now

Anyone who’s worked towards a weight loss or fitness goal knows it can be quite a journey. While it’s important to stay focused, that can easily turn into the unhealthy habit of waiting for that desired dress size to be happy. Here are some tips to help you avoid that trap and feel good in your own skin right now:

Focus on functionality

Your body may not be perfect but it does a lot for you. Whenever you perform a physical activity like walking around the block with ease, appreciate your body for it. Its main purpose, after all, is to keep you moving through life and if it’s doing that, you have something to feel good about.

Change what you can
right now

When it comes to how you look and feel the little things matter. Wear what you feel good in, change your hair, get your nails done, or choose a new signature scent. It’s hard not to feel good in your skin when you’re pampered and smelling delicious.

Believe in the inevitability
of your ideal body

If you’re dieting and working on fitness, you need to do so with absolute conviction that it’s just a matter of time until you reach your goals. Believing that the things you don’t love to see when you look in the mirror are temporary prevents your insecurities from having power over you.

Watch your thoughts

If your inner voice is in the habit of loudly and confidently criticizing your body, train it to compliment you with equal authority instead. Frequently point out the things you like about your body and use affirmations to keep those positive thoughts at the forefront of your mind.

Be selective about the
company you keep

Seek out people who speak kindly about others, bring out the best in you, are comfortable with their own imperfect bodies, and make you feel good about yours. If the people in your social circles are fueling your insecurities, it’s time to reevaluate your relationships and make some necessary changes. 

Detox your social media

In addition to people who surround you in real life, those who appear on your feed can also impact your body image. Never compare your whole reality with the snippets others choose to show. Take breaks when you need to and only follow accounts that help you feel good and inspire you.

Love yourself

Loving yourself will help you strike a balance between accepting yourself for your inherent worth and improving yourself because you are worthy of your own potential and being the best version of yourself. If you can only take away one point, this should be it – love yourself.

Like anything worthwhile, reaching your fitness goals will take time, but life is happening right now. Make it one of your goals to feel good about your body even as you work on getting it fitter.

What Would You Give?

What Would You Give?

Sometimes we only focus on one definition without realizing a word’s myriad applications in our daily speech. In recent years, we’ve been conditioned to think “give” means material goods: giving gifts, money, stuff. But we use the word and idea of give in countless ways without ever noticing our boundless generosity.

I give up!

I gave her so many chances, I’m just not giving in this time.

I give her another month on this job before she gives me an ulcer.

I give you my word, it will give me great pleasure to see what gives when the boss sees how she gives new meaning to the word useless.

In an economy based on consumerism, suddenly products like tooth whitener for teeth no one will see, designer jeans you can’t flaunt, floating picnic tables with no guests and fruit shaped silicone coasters (whatever!), have become irrelevant. Some of us are actually getting rid of stuff, literally giving it away. As we purge, we may realize we also no longer need that potato ricer, the tennis racquet we haven’t touched in ten years, or the gold lamé jacket from our disco days. (Some things are harder to give up than others.) And we don’t need to buy another LL Bean jacket or orchid pot or giclée of a Tuscan sunset. If we don’t return to “normal” soon, stores and online merchants will drown in low rise yoga pants, Subaru Outbacks, wedding china and Louis Vuitton bags. I find myself thinking about Black Friday, the societal pressure to buy more stuff, and how to find a new way to give. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could inspire the quality of “thanks -giving” by actually inspiring gratitude? I have decided to start with my family. 

To one sister with whom I often compete, I’m giving up my need to be right. And to my youngest sister I give my word that I’ll never try to give her advice, (a double give that will be hard to fulfill!) I can’t wait till I tell my husband Ron I am officially giving in on our forty-five year battle as to who loads the dishwasher better. I am spilling with generosity.

Neurologist Antonio Damasio, in his book Descarte’s Error, wrote that altruism is a neurological survival strategy. When we give to others, they love us more and so therefore probably won’t kill us. It’s nice to know that we are wired to give.

What would it be like if all of us intentionally gave up, gave in, and gave promises we actually kept? It’s interesting to note that if you trace the etymology of our English word “give”, that it travels eastward where the root word actually means “take”, and finally lands in India where the Sanskrit root means “hand”. When I give up or give in, my hands are open, and when I give you my word, I give you my hand.  And when someone smiles at me and says, “I’ve got to hand it to you, you are awesome,” I feel like I’ve received a gift more precious than a pair of skinny jeans. What do you say, shall we give it a go?

Body language expert, Lavinia Plonka
has taught The Feldenkrais Method for over 25 years. 

For more information,
visit her at
laviniaplonka.com

Clearing Clutter

Clearing Clutter

It’s easy to let your home become a cluttered mess. Millions of people slowly lose control of their living space, allowing their home to become disorganized and filled with useless junk. However, that is no way to live. It’s so much better to dwell in a clean house. Here are the five biggest reasons to declutter your home.

You’ll find lost items. Large piles of clutter could easily be concealing items you thought were long gone, or completely forgot existed. That book you never finished reading might be buried right under your nose.

You’ll have more space. Clutter takes up lots of room. Left unchecked, junk will occupy more and more space in your home. Get rid of this clutter and you’ll be amazed at how much larger your living space seems in comparison.

You’ll be happier. No one genuinely likes living in a clutter-filled home. Getting rid of all that junk will relieve stress and raise your mood. You’ll feel better about yourself just seeing how much of a difference you’ve made. A clean, orderly home is a haven for peace and contentment. Ridding yourself of all that useless stuff will generate a wonderful sense of freedom.

You can make some money. While clutter is by definition stuff you don’t need or want, that doesn’t mean it won’t be of value for other people. While cleaning up your home you may find all sorts of items you can sell for a bit of cash. Either sell the stuff you don’t need online or consider holding a garage sale.

It will help you get your life in order. Getting rid of clutter isn’t just about clearing a physical space. It’s like a spring cleaning — not just for your home, but your mind as well. Taking on and completing a big task provides a sense of accomplishment. Psychologically, it will help you prepare to improve your life in other areas.

Clutter can be intimidating. The more it piles up, the harder it can seem to get rid of. However, that is an illusion. Getting started is the hard part. Once you do begin, ridding your home of all that junk will feel great. Your initial efforts will generate momentum and you’ll be glad to continue. Soon, all that clutter will be gone, and your life will be improved.

Unbroken

Unbroken

By JeanAnn Taylor

Here we are in February—smack dab in the middle of pink hearts, red roses, and true love forever. Everywhere I shop, I see aisles and aisles of cards, candy, and plastic Valentine trinkets. We are enticed with so many things to buy: things that will make us happy, things to fill a void of emptiness, things to make everyone we know think that we are perfectly happy. Most of us have experienced times in our lives when we have felt hurt, stuck, or hopeless. Perhaps a relationship ended, a career didn’t go as planned, or we grew up with unsupportive parents leaving us with feelings of doubt and insecurity. We look on Facebook, or “fakebook” as I call it, and see the blissful life of everyone we know. We live in such an abundant time, yet we yearn for more. We need more—to be happy. Except, maybe we don’t. Maybe we need to look inside ourselves and fix what is broken.

Being broken day after day can feel so familiar, it becomes strangely comfortable. Beware of this feeling! This “comfort zone” is not really comfortable at all. It’s important to not let yourself settle in there and make it “home.” Breaking through this brokenness is important because when we are happy and satisfied with our lives, we are more likely to achieve our personal dreams and goals. Our self-confidence can grow and our motivation to succeed can flourish. We can learn to be compassionate and treat ourselves as we would someone we love dearly.

I’m fascinated with the Japanese art of Kintsugi and the culture of wabi-sabi. The century-old practice of Kintsugi means fixing broken pottery rather than tossing it out. It can also be applied to our own emotional state. The technique involves filling in a crack or joining two broken pieces with gold-laced adhesives, leaving the cup or bowl gleaming, artistic, and unique. The technique actually emphasizes that the pottery is repaired from brokenness and is now more beautiful than before. Kintsugi expresses regret in wastefulness and the acceptance of change. Honestly accepting and acknowledging brokenness is the first step to restoring pottery—and people.

Wabi-sabi is a way of seeing beauty in imperfection. This tradition honors authenticity and can change our perception of brokenness. With wabi-sabi, the scars that come from our healing are valued because perfection isn’t the goal, wellness is. “Wabi” refers to originality  and understated elegance, “sabi” refers to the beauty that comes with age and natural simplicity. Healing from being broken leaves us with authentic understanding, knowledge, the capacity to be happy and to love ourselves.

Becoming unbroken is a life-long journey and ongoing process of self-discovery requiring intentional focus and choice. We can choose happiness, to be kind to ourselves, to forgive ourselves, and to heal. During this month of love, celebrate who you are, forgive yourself, and fill in the cracks of your life with something sparkly. Change your perception that brokenness is permanent and find gratitude in everything. Be unbroken.

Please send your thoughts and ideas to me at [email protected]

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